The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
