I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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