my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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