did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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