matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
