Jerry, you need to find god
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
