So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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