how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
