I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She's the barista slut.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
