He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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