mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
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