so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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