I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
