I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
