Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize