I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
