as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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