i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
