wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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