he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
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How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
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I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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