Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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