she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
