Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
