you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
