Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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