I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
