thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
