Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
