my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
