Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He? As in you personified your dick?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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