Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
