You're so nebulous sometimes
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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