R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
