Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
