There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
