hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
