We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
