how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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