How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
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i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize