I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
