I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
