ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
