Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
