i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
