I think im going to throw up on grandma
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
