My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
