this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
