dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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