im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
