Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
