Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
