I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
