out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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