super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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