Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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