just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
