the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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