its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
