I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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