Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
