her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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