the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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