Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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