hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
