guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
