K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
