Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
