508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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