So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
