Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
