the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
