this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
our cab driver is having phone sex.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize