she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize