If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
