Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
